Publications

ENG: This booklet is my impression of radiation therapy treatment in the LUMC in the Netherlands. Many people around me have asked how I managed 40 days of radiotherapy. As a former nurse, I experienced this from two perspectives. Patient and as a former healthcare provider. I want to share my journey with you, reader. You may also be undergoing radiation treatments or someone close to you is. Or you are a laboratory technician, nurse or doctor? My goal with this booklet is also to inspire others with how I have designed my radiation trajectory. Even if this only gives you one insight that you can continue with, then my goal has been achieved. NL: Veel mensen om mij heen hebben gevraagd hoe ik het heb volgehouden 40 dagen radiotherapie.  Als oud verpleegkundige kijk ik met twee petten op. Patiënt en als oud zorgverlener. Graag deel ik mijn reis met u, lezer. Misschien ondergaat u ook bestralingen, of een naaste van u. Of bent u laborant, verpleegkundige of arts. Mijn doel met dit boekje is ook anderen te inspireren met hoe ik mijn bestralingstraject heb vormgegeven. Al geeft dit u maar één inzicht waar u mee verder kunt, dan is mijn doel bereikt.

Introductie
Het is al donker als ik het grindpad oprijd van mijn tijdelijke ‘thuis’. Hier zal ik de komende 40 dagen zijn. Mijn hospita heet me hartelijk welkom en wijst me de weg in de studio die ik gehuurd heb.
Ik pak mijn koffers uit. Dan kruip ik in bed. De eerste nacht breekt aan. Hoe anders dan ik me voorgesteld had. En toch, morgen begin ik met de bestralingen, de reis gaat beginnen.

En dan is het klaar. Tijd om naar huis te gaan. Tijd om op te bouwen.
Het is de eerste weken onwennig. Onbewust sluipt het ritme van dagelijkse bestralingen erin. Als die wegvallen is het wennen om weer een eigen ritme op te bouwen. Zowel voor mij, als voor mijn omgeving. Na zoveel weken in isolatie zie ik langzaamaan weer mijn dierbaren, mijn kinderen, mijn ouders, mijn familie en vrienden. Ik heb het gered naar de overkant. Nu heb ik nog maar één ding te doen: aansluiten bij het gezonde en beter worden zo goed als ik kan.
Ik weet niet wat de toekomst gaat brengen. Ik weet wel dat de keuze voor bestraling een heel bewuste keuze is geweest om mijn kwaliteit van leven zo goed mogelijk te behouden. Iedereen maakt die keuze voor zichzelf. Er is geen goed of fout in mijn ogen. Iedereen doet haar of zijn best in de beste manier, met de kennis van dat moment. 

Ik zal pas na vele maanden weten of “Glommy” echt verdreven is. De uitslagen van de andere onderzoeken laten nog op zich wachten.
Mijn intuïtie zegt dat het goed komt. Daar sluit ik me dan graag bij aan.
Blijf rustig ademhalen en je hart is altijd bij je!

Wilt u een digitale kopie van dit boekje klik dan hier

My personal Journey

My life with Emma, moving mountains in silence

“This time a book about my personal journey, not my profession as a speaker’s mentor.
This book is a tribute to a beautiful soul! Emma. A grandmother who was an inspiration. It’s the story of the relationship between grandmother and me, her granddaughter. It is an amazing journey through time and love. I wish it inspires, encourages and blesses you by reading this beautiful book”.

My gran Emma started her personal development on a conscious level at the age of 90 when she became a widow. We had a soul-connection from the moment I was born. Emma had such wisdom and compassion inside herself. Over the years, I became her vehicle to give her a voice in this world. After her death, I decided to share our life’s stories, woven together, to shine a light of hope and encouragement for all women struggling with challenges in life and how they can deal with this in another way.

I want to be a lighthouse for women. Shine light in seemly dark episodes in their life. I want to give them insights into Emma’s wisdom, how she and I overcame our difficulties in life. We became stronger, together, no matter our age difference. With this book, I share the warmth of my Gran Emma with to the world so they can feel enlightened by the words: honest and vulnerable, sometimes raw but always with compassion and love.

I declare this book to all women in the world who are willing to take the responsibility of self-reflection, self-development and who would like to get on a journey with me in the nearly hundred years of Emma’s life’s development. To me, it is important to hear from my readers what they got out of this book and how we can create a ripple effect of Emma’s insights. If you ever missed a real, warm, supportive grandmother in your life; I share mine with you through this book.
Grab your copy here at Amazone

Today is the first day of my new life. A life without Emma.

Emma Emilie Spreksel was born in the year the WWI ended, 1918. Her cradle stood in Rotterdam, the main harbour city in the Netherlands also known as the port of Europe. The Netherlands stayed neutral in this Great War. From all over Europe refugees came to find a safe place to live.
Emma was the firstborn in the family. Born on a chilly summer day on the 25th of July 1918.
A troubled young couple as parents. Besides, there was a war going on around the Netherlands, the impact was there in unemployment and poverty.
She stays a single child until 1937. Imagine this time, most transport was by horse, there were hardly any cars. There was a central place in town where you could have a bath once a week with the others in your neighbourhood.
No electricity, no taps with running water. Woodstoves and coal heaters. In the freezing cold winters, they kept you warm, if you had the money to buy coal. The telephone wasn’t available.
Emma grew up in poverty.

Emma died in June 29th 2017, nearly 99 years later. She took her first selfie with her great-grandson Emiel in 2015. She looked for new shoes on the tablet of my mum, her daughter in law. Emma, she went along with all the times. She saw the world change, she saw the history repeating itself.

Who am I? I’m Nienke. I became her granddaughter 50 years ago. It changed her life.
In the last 8 years of Emma’s life, I’ve spent hours and hours just being with her. We shared what happened in my life and she shares what happened in her life. From the moment she could remember until the day she died.

To you, the reader of this book I will say:  I want you to read this book without judgment about any person. Emma would not want that. All situations are there with compassion.  Life hasn’t been easy, for her, nor for me. All persons in this book did the best they could, please keep that in mind.

Take the lessons from Emma with you, to your own world, in your own heart. A world with strength and compassion, dear gran, I’m honoured to be the vehicle of your legacy.

Where are you now?

I see you everywhere and can't find you
Who are you now?
The sparrow?
The wind drying my tears?
The clouds or beyond?
The fresh leaf spiralling down from nowhere,
landing near my feet
Where am I now?
I search with an open heart and can't feel me.
I feel bruised and vulnerable
Who am I now?
In the calm after the storm, it only matters
I AM
 
Today is the first day
The first after 50 years with you in my life
I just never had one before
I listen to my beating heart
I recharge, I re-balance
It doesn't matter where you are
It doesn't matter where I am
Who you are
Who I am
We Are in all there is
You are not gone, just different —